Once again, I feel like I don't have time to write anything meaningful. It's 10:40 p.m. and my daily goal is to finish all my stuff by 10:00 so I can have time with Jason before I attempt to achieve my other daily goal of being in bed by 11:00. That is a goal I am not meeting very often at all. I'm also trying to do a bunch of things for the Feel Great in 8 Challenge--journal each night, read inspiring literature 20 minutes a day, log all my calories, exercise, get enough sleep, track other habits, etc. Quite often, I am still trying to get those things done at night too and I'm struggling to fit it all in. I feel like I'm racing the clock from the moment I get up until the moment I hit the pillow and I just can't fit it all in, no matter how reasonable I try to make my expectations. I also want to have meaningful time with my husband and children each day, but sometimes it feels so hard to stop what I'm working on to create that time. Yet that is the most important thing.
When I look back on my day, it was filled with important things, mostly related to my calling as stake primary president--ward Council, ward conference, meeting and training with a ward primary presidency, my own ward Relief Society meeting, answering and writing e-mails related to my calling. All of these things needed to happen and I felt happy to do them, they just took up the day. When I tried to write e-mails, Jason was home-teaching and the boys were fighting, whining, tattling and interrupting me constantly. I ended up banishing them all to their rooms until I finished, and that wasn't at all how I wanted the evening to go. So many days seem to go that way. I go to meetings or read my scriptures and feel inspired to do wonderful things with my family, then I struggle to fit those wonderful things into my days. Even worse, I struggle not to be irritated by my children (the people I love the most) when they are interrupting me and keeping me from accomplishing the things I need to get done. Ah...it is challenging at times to balance it all.
We did have some family time today. I made a nice dinner and we ate together as a family. I finally pulled myself away from the computer long enough to tuck Archer in bed. I love that time with Archer, but it's crazy how hard it is to stop what I'm doing long enough to have that time. I loved seeing the wonder and joy on his face as we read stories. He gets so delighted with the simplest things, he laughs and makes me laugh, and we snuggle, and I love it. He also loves his bedtime songs and it's so delightful to have him sing with me. I love one-on-one time with my Archer and all of my kids. I love it with Jason too. I just wish I could figure out how to have more of it and still get the things done that really need to get done (many of the things I did on the computer tonight were stock-piling, things I should have done before tonight). Don't get me wrong, I wasn't completely on task every minute, I did get side-tracked (ha, ha, that never happens when I'm on the computer) looking at ideas for Tanner's 8th birthday coming up. But, I feel like I was mostly on task all day and that I was doing things that needed to get done, and somehow, it's late and there is still so much to do. I feel that way so often.
So, I guess this isn't a fluffy post after all and I am sharing some of my concerns and struggles. How do I do the things that matter most without everything else falling apart because it's not getting done? I mean, bills do have to get paid, dishes washed, laundry cleaned, and calling responsibilities filled. I guess I just keep trying, keep praying, keep looking at what I can cut out, and keep relying on the Lord to magnify my efforts so that they will be enough. This is a quote from Elder Uchtdorf that I share at every ward conference presidency meeting, and I think I share it because I need to hear it over and over:
"If your circumstances are less than ideal, please take comfort in knowing that the Lord will support and enhance your efforts, sanctify your decisions and actions, perfect them through the tender mercies of Christ, and “consecrate [your] performance … , that [it] may be for the welfare of [your] soul” (2 Nephi 32:9) and the souls of those you serve."
I love that and I'm counting on it! I also LOVE this quote by President Hinckley:
“Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of
your effort it is not sufficient.
We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize, we do
not often see the results that come of what we do.
You never know how much good that you do.
Now, my dear sisters, that is the way with you. You are doing the best you can, and that best
results in good to yourself and to others.
Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings
of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the
Lord. You will discover that you have
accomplished something beyond price.”
I really believe that is true, I just have to remember it when I'm feeling discouraged. I'm so thankful for the gospel, and the opportunity to serve in the church. It is a huge blessing in my life, even though this particular post may not have made that clear. Most of my days are busy with things not church-related, so this is a situation people deal with whether or not they are members of the church with callings. I'm grateful to know I can rely on the Lord. I have felt Him lift, strengthen, and bless me repeatedly. I will keep trying to do my best and rely on the Lord to make it enough.
The last thing I want to share, because it fits in so well with the direction this post has gone, is a "Mormon Message" video about a Mom whose day goes the way my days often go. This message touches me so much every time I watch it. It is definitely worth the 9 minutes of viewing. I think every woman will relate to this!
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