Helping your children go crazy so your wife won't!

           
          Jason and I were asked to write articles for an upcoming homeschool conference.  Jason was asked to share ideas with other dads on how they could help their wives out, he definitely practices what he preaches.  I'm thankful every day to be married to such a spectacular guy.  I doubt there are any dads out there reading my blog but I'm posting Jason's article anyway so I can print it out in my blog-book some day.

Helping Your Children Go Crazy So Your Wife Won’t

I think every husband of a homeschool mom has come home to a scene of chaos and frustration—a harried wife that is ready to send the kids to public school, perhaps to preserve her sanity, maybe even to save the children’s lives.  While the rewards of homeschooling are many and worthwhile, the demands and stress can be as numerous and onerous.  As homeschool dads, we have a responsibility to sustain and support our wives, the teachers of our children, and do all in our power to ensure that they are physically and mentally ready for the task ahead of them.  Although I realize that everyone’s family dynamics are different and what works for one family may not work for another, these are some tips that have helped my children go crazy so that my wife doesn’t.

Mom breaks

Shortly after I joined the church in 1999, I attended an Elder’s quorum class where I learned a lesson on being a good husband.  We had an unconventional teacher that invited the wife of one of the "premier" husbands as a special guest instructor.  One of the things she was most grateful for was the "Mom Breaks" that her husband would give her.   She mentioned how much she appreciated that when he was home from work, he would spend a lot of time with their children.  These "Mom Breaks," as she referred to them, were a time that she could get away and decompress from the daily demands that motherhood entails. 

Having tried my hand at teaching our children a few math lessons, I can appreciate the challenges that go along with teaching these precious little handfuls.  To preserve my dear wife’s sanity, I have found that "Mom Breaks" are crucial to the long term well-being of our family.  Having a few hours to exercise, read a book, or work on a project can work wonders on the wonderful woman in your life.  Even something as simple as being able to go grocery shopping ALONE can be a surprisingly pleasant treat.
 
Weekend Adventures

 A few years ago, I came to the realization that I probably only have about 500 Saturdays left with my children where they will actually want to hang out with me and I determined that I should make the best of these Saturdays.  Living in Virginia, there are a plethora of inexpensive outdoor experiences and historical sites just waiting to be explored.  

Although many of our outings have been spontaneous (i.e. poorly planned at the last minute decisions), I have found that the best results come from excursions where the children are either involved in the planning or in the choosing.  The sense of anticipation seems to have positive effects on my children’s demeanor.  While we have our favorite places that we like to go to, it is always fun to research and discover new places to explore.  My children invariably return from these excursions to a mom that is re-energized, renewed, and refreshed (and all the other good "re-‘s").  While my wife usually takes this time to run errands or simply enjoy a quiet house to herself, your wife may want to join in on the adventures.  Whether or not she chooses to attend, after planning countless hours of curriculum and activities during the week, she will no doubt enjoy NOT having to plan a weekend activity.  

It started with a rope

I needed a place for the children to escape to when they were feeling a little burnt out.  Although I could cite many studies that correlate exercise with improved grades, the bottom line is that children focus better when they have opportunities to "get the wiggles out," as many a Primary Music Leader will tell you.  I wanted to create a place where my kids could channel their inner monkey.  Instead of buying costly toys that the children would shortly lose interest in and add more clutter to the home, I decided to treat my unfinished basement as a blank canvas and create a play area.  My vision was a place where the children could be creative, strengthen their bodies, and most importantly—HAVE FUN. One night I decided to take an old rope that we had lying around the house and hang it from the ceiling of the basement.  It was long enough that I could have two ropes dropping from the ceiling.  Soon the children were climbing the ropes, then swinging on them.  Within a few hours, they were able to swing rope-to-rope like Spiderman.  To this day, my 10 year-old daughter Kayla will sneak away to swing on the ropes while she makes up stories.  It has become a therapeutic activity for her.

Over time, more ropes were added.  Armed with a chop saw, an electric drill, 2x4s, and MDF, we soon added a wooden castle complete with drawbridge to the basement.  We then created obstacle courses in our basement for the children to compete against.  Some courses involved speed and balance, others emphasized climbing and strength.   

Our favorite show at the time was the Japanese reality show "Sasuke" or "Ninja Warrior" which consisted of 100 contestants competing against 4 progressively more difficult obstacle courses.  One of the things we enjoyed about the show was the camaraderie among the contestants because they were competing against the course and not against each other.

Eventually, we invited neighborhood children to compete in our own seasons of Ninja Warrior.  One hobby that always interested me was video editing.  While the children were working on their Ninja Warrior skills, I was able to work on my film making skills.  Not only were the children able to have fun doing something they enjoyed, but with the DVDs, we have something we can look back on as the years go by.

The obstacle courses have provided wonderful and tangible teaching moments.  In our home, we often like to quote the American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our ability to do is increased."  Maybe it’s just a fancy way of saying "Practice makes perfect," but it is so true.  When the children are struggling with Math or writing a paper or controlling behavior, I often remind them of the obstacle courses we do and how at first they struggle, but through persistence they eventually can overcome and master any obstacle in their way.  Watching the growth that takes place in the children as they conquer obstacles that at first seem insurmountable has been one of the most rewarding aspects to me personally.

 Family…Isn’t it about Time?

Since not everyone has an unfinished basement that their spouse will allow to be turned into a disaster area, there is one inexpensive item that I have found to be indispensible: a stopwatch (or a timer).  One thing I have learned is that almost all children love to be timed.  If I ask them to run, they will moan and groan, but put them on the clock and they look forward to the challenge.  When we go to a playground we create a circuit for them to race on (climb the ladder, down the pole, up the slide, through the tube…) and it is amazing the effort they will put in to beat their times.  If you don’t want to foster sibling rivalry or the age discrepancy is too great, a stopwatch is the best way to improve performance.  They aren’t racing each other, but racing themselves—their past performances.  Just the other day, my 4-year-old son, Tanner, was hanging from a bar while I counted.  First, he did it for 3 seconds as I counted.  I challenged him to go 6 seconds, then 9 seconds and so on.  Eventually, he got to 20 seconds.  It’s not just my children that get into this.  When we go to the playground or the play place at McDonalds, I always get a kick out of how kids I don’t even know will line up to be timed.  Note to moms: if you have a boy that drags his feet doing math worksheets, use the stopwatch and challenge him.  You might be surprised.
 
I never said it would be easy…

Although following this program means that I must sacrifice a good bit of my time, the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice. My wife is appreciative, energized, more loving and patient. I can feel good about my role in fostering a good environment for my children to learn in. Moreover, and most importantly, I am also forging a powerful bond with my children. Sounds like a win-win-win situation to me. Maybe I will even get a couple hundred more Saturdays with the kids.